trying to get it off my head.

- The thing is, if you were in fact in love with her, which you haven't
denied -repeatedly-, so I'm assuming you were, why did you avoid telling me
about her? It's not like I didn't ask.

I know it's nothing. I know I'm being irrational and I know it would be the stupidest thing to ruin something this good over a stupid little thing on his past, specially when we've overcame mine. But, then again, I haven't got the slightest idea if it's just a stupid little thing.
First love is no stupid little thing. Although, many times it is sorta stupid.

Rambling calms me. The Chandler thing, pf.
I just can't get it out of my mind. And I am, god, terrified.

Ooooh please please please deny it. Please please please.

i think he was right.

I'm taking a look at my process.

You know, how did I got to the point in which I was so lonely and fucked up I found comfort on his best friend? I don't think I've wondered that enough.

Anyway, I was checking out my year and it hit me. 

I wasn't unhappy. We weren't disaster. He was right.

Up until the moment I woke up and gained conscience of what I've done, we were on a really good place. We weren't fighting, actually, we had barely fought at all for like, five months.

We were perfectly happy. I mean, not, but I was no sad little girl lost in the woods.

Damn it, I really wish I'd remember that night. It would come in handy to know what the fuck was I thinking.

fucking hormone bomb.

(Meredith is lying on the bathroom floor and Cristina is lying in the bathtub)
Meredith: It's not us, it's them, them and their stupid boy...penises! They didn't tell me they had a wife, they gave me absolutely no warning that they were gonna break up with you.
Cristina: It's not that Burke broke up with me. It's how he broke up with me. Like it's business, like it's a business transacti--like he's the boss of me.
Meredith: He is the boss of you.
Cristina: What's worse is that I care.
Meredith: I'm gonna throw up again. (rushes over to the toilet on her knees, and Cristina shuts the shower door) No, wait...false alarm. (Cristina opens the shower door again)
Cristina: The problem is estrogen.
Meredith: No, the problem is tequila.
Cristina: You know, I used to be all business, then he goes and gets me pregnant.
Meredith: With the stupid boy penis.
Cristina: Ugh, now I'm having hormone surges! He ruined me, I'm ruined. He turned me into this fat stupid pregnant girl, who cares. Estrogen.
Meredith: Penises. (Izzie and George walk in the bathroom) Penises, Izzie.
Cristina: Estrogen, George. (she holds out a cup and Izzie puts water in it)
George (to Izzie): Okay. What'd I miss?
Izzie: I came home to full out vomit drama. Apparently, she dumped Derek. And her, she's been sleeping with Burke.
George: I knew that. (turns to Meredith) So, you really broke up with Shepherd?
Meredith: I feel empty.
Izzie: Yeah, two hours of vomiting will do that to 'ya.
Meredith: No, I feel empty.
Cristina: You're lucky, I feel pissed off.

beautiful and loyal mark darcy.

The most amazing thing happened yesterday.
I was on my typical Bridget's mode, you know, pj's chips and cheese, and that woman thing got me. That paralyzing fear of being alone. But the I remembered... oh my, I'm not alone.
I'm so very glad I'm not alone!
Later in the day, me in the exact same position of course, the phone rang. It rang! And it was him.
He called, just like he said he would. I'm still not over the surprise.
It's not complicated. I don't have to refrain myself from thinking, feeling or saying anything.
I don't have to doubt if he's telling me the truth. I don't have to be looking for someone to forget him.
I don't have to correct people when they say we're together.

It's been so long, and I had gotten used to it.
I don't ever want to get used to something like that again.

And I'm enjoying everything about it like you wouldn't believe.
Every detail, every second. Every word and every silence.
Every part of his self, every inch of his skin.

this is my message to you-ou-ou

don't worry about a thing
'cause every little thing is gonna be alright

a veces siento que me callo tantas cosas.

constantemente y a sabiendas relegando y pretendiendo olvidar tantas cosas.

lo personal tiene una importancia tan sobrecogedora que pasa por encima.

pero no lo olvido. solo lo callo.

.

es cuestión de quien quieras ser. pero no solo.

es cuestión de quien sos intrínsecamente, de ahí las posibilidades.

yo sé y conozco mis posibilidades, y muy a mi pesar las desaprovecho.

excusas hay muchas y ninguna me satisface, porque no quiero una excusa.

.

la inmovilidad y la inercia, que son cosas distintas

en lo personal, no lo apruebo pero lo perdono.

pero en lo otro no. ni siquiera lo acepto.

y no sé no me alcanza, pero además de excusa (que no me excusa), es verdad.

.

puedo decir y aceptar que soy una mala persona.

pero no quiero ser esa persona. me niego a ser esa persona.

no soy esa persona.

a thousand sweet kisses.

prueba para el laburo.. pero quedó tan linda!

hoy.. es un día muy raro.

tal vez tenga que ver con el no dormir.

pero hoy, no estoy.

archive, agenda, dear diary

so many words, so many fights

me es dificil ubicarme en el tiempo presente.

acaso no acavo de dejar a fede?

no estoy indignada por alguna cosa que hizo san?

aquí estoy descubriendo con horror que me enamoré de mi mejor amiga.

pequeñas historias e histerias de la (mi) vida cotidiana.

cómo, cuándo, dónde?

paso 8 horas al día en este pseudo sótano y no es quien soy.

volver, volver a este presente del que parezco tan desatachada.

volver, volver y descanzar.

I'm gonna make it through this day.

     And I'm gonna do it in heels.

..maybe then i can get a good night sleep..

fairy-godmother says.

Not very often, happens that a bad girl lets a good boy in. Now if the boy does his homework, and if she lets him, she may fall for him. And that's when something amazing happens: the bad girl lets down her defenses, opens up and smiles. It's almost mystical, the desire of redemption and the unstoppable need to make the good boy happy.
So the vinegar turns to honey, and a new housewife-wannabe is born.
Sweet little details bloom in every day life, smiling faces on the calendar, maybe flowers on the dinner table. If she can cook, the house will be filled with the smell of home-made cookies or cupcakes. If she can sign, delicious melodies will fly out of her lips. If she goes out, her feet will dance at every corner.
Her smile will be bewitching. Her eyes will always shine. And she'll relive every perfect moment with him in her mind.
She will no longer want to always wear black. And will be thinking of new ways to make him smile.
Oh, she'll be such a good girl for a little while.